I spent last night and most of today on a Women's Retreat. Those of you who follow along know that God's theme for me lately has been motherhood, how to embrace it and how to find Him in it. I tend to be a bit hard-headed at times but the message is finally beginning to break through.
Today during the one hour personal prayer time this is what He told me. I wrote it in my prayer journal and transposed it here.
When we were tasked with what the focus of this hour of prayer should be, I knew Your answer before she finished speaking. She wanted us to ask You for Your vision for our lives. You have been shouting this at me over the last two years. I've known it, but I haven't let myself feel it, accept it. Now, You're telling me it's time to relish in it. MOTHERHOOD.
I went walking in search of a place to really be alone with You but everywhere I turned there were bodies. I began to walk and thought briefly that I should just walk out my prayer time, but everyone looked so intent, so peaceful, I didn't want to be a distraction.
I kept searching. The farther I walked the fewer people I came across. If I just keep walking, I thought, I can be alone. I turned the last corner to find the peaceful solitude I longed for. When I looked up, I laughed. The solitude You led me to, the place You wanted me, was right beside the playground.
It is not the most beautiful place on the grounds. It's right next to the A/C units so it's a little noisy. It's back behind all the other buildings where no one else can see it. It's sandy, disheveled, and a bit worn out. It's where I sat to be with You.
This is where I belong. I won't always be here, but right now, in this moment, there is nowhere else on earth I'd rather be. I looked at the playground and thought about the noisy joy that is lifted up from this place. I thought about the purity and innocence that lives here. I thought about the moldable and teachable hearts. It's time to relish.
After all, I live in a castle with the most beautiful princess on the planet. I also live in a secret cave with two busy caped crusaders. I get the chance to be a true hero every day. I am always beautiful in their eyes. My kisses are magic, my dancing is cool and my pizza is delicious. I get to share Jesus with these souls. I get to kiss His face and hold Him in my arms.
And one day, when they are older, we will go out in front and change the world together.
Thank You Jesus. I love being a mama!