Now that my running secret is out, I can talk about it in the open. It has been a long and arduous journey and it's not over yet.
Tonight however, I experienced a victory that I am going to celebrate. I have, since joining the running group, consistently been the last one to finish...everything...every time. I figured this would be the case since I'm a virtually inexperienced runner, training with real runners (some actual marathoners). However, my competitive nature takes a beating every time we take off as a group and I continually watch the backs of runners putting distance between me and them.
Tonight was a 40 minute run - 20 minutes out and 20 back. When we've done these in the past, everyone passes me on the way out AND on the way back in. Not so good for motivation. I mean everyone's really nice and cheers me on as they pass me...and pass me again…but it's still a bit disappointing.
Tonight though, in the cooler weather, I ran my 20 out and turned and ran my 20 back and not one single person passed me on the way in. It's a silly victory to celebrate, but when you're training for a half marathon, any victory is worth celebrating. It's not that I really enjoy beating people (and mind you, I did not win, as everyone else ran farther than me), rather it's a milestone of personal progress.
I'm beginning to learn through all of this that it's not really about anybody else. It's about me and my goals. And tonight, for the first time, I did not get lapped and I'm really proud of myself.