From One Mama to Another

Tonight, as I walked Felicity into her gymnastics class, I saw another mother struggling to get her double stroller from the parking lot up onto the sidewalk. I asked, "Hey, may I help you?"

"Oh, I'm just waiting for you to go by so I don't run it into you," she said with that sweet, tired mama voice. 

I grabbed the front of the stroller anyway. "I had one of these," I told her. "I remember how heavy they are." That sparked a conversation about strollers and the pros and cons of the double front and back stroller and the double jogger. As we talked, I smiled and made faces at her sweet red-headed boy in the back (I'll admit, I have a fondness for red hair), and the blond curly-headed girl in the front. The two of them were probably only a year or a bit more apart. 

"How many kids do you have?" she asked as we got deeper into the conversation.

"Five," I responded.

"Oh my, I would have never guessed," she said. Now that I don't have most of my kids with me when I go places, I forget that people might assume that I only have Felicity. 

We discussed ages and spacing and then she said, "I was just in the car crying to my mother-in-law. One of the parapros basically accused me of abusing my child because she went to school with a black eye she got from jumping off a couch. She told me her teacher thought the same thing. What do you do when you figure out that everyone at the school thinks you're abusing your kid?" By the time she finished, she was nearly in tears again.

From the looks of the two little ones she had with her and their lack of marks or bruises, as well as by the mom's demeanor, I could tell she was telling the truth. "I had a kid like that," I let her know. "I figured they were going to call DFACS on me, we were in the ER so much. Bruises like that are a sign the kids are playing and having fun. Mine needed seven staples in his head, impaled himself on a tree, and slammed his finger in the door so hard, he ripped his nail off...in one day. I've experienced it all."

"Wow! I guess when you have five kids, you see your fair share of injuries," she said feeling reassured. 

We chatted a bit more and then began walking towards her car. "God must have wanted us to run into each other today," I told her. "What you're doing is so hard. I'm so glad you're willing to have four kids. Big families are a blessing. You're doing a great job. Keep up the good work!" As we parted ways, she was beaming. 

I still remember those days of struggling with double strollers, diapers, short nights, and toting little people everywhere. I made a promise to myself and to God that I would encourage others I saw in the same boat. I would hold doors open for them and lift their strollers. There were times when people did that  for me that almost brought me to tears. I felt cared for and seen. I begged God to give me the opportunity to bless others in the same way when I could. Today, He gave me that chance and I'm so grateful.

Delightful Dinners

For over 21 years, we have hosted what we call household dinner once a week. It began with a coworker of Nelson's who was going through an awful divorce and has included many, many others since him. We don't really have any kind of rules about who we invite. The Lord has always led us to invite who we invite. The only real stipulation is that we keep it to singles. Once they get married, we send them on their way so we can include more people. 

We currently get together on Monday nights because we have several students who work in F&B and most of them are off on Monday. The problem was that during basketball season, we had a lot of games on Monday so we weren't able to get together as much. Once basketball was over, I sent out a welcome back text and said we were looking forward to seeing everyone regularly again. I sent that out on Friday. On Saturday afternoon, I got a text from our school that soccer season is upon us and the team would be practicing Sunday for their first game on Monday. The athletic department likes to keep us on our toes.

As luck would have it, Max's team has a game every Monday for the next two months. However, middle school games start at 4 PM and it's only one team playing, so I figured we would give it a try. The meals will be much simpler than what I usually cook, but the important thing is that we get together. 

I raced home from the game today and threw together a taco salad, some Spanish rice, and guacamole with Mackenzie's help. The nice thing about this group is that it's mostly made up of college guys who don't really care what the house looks like as long as there is food to eat. 

As they lingered around the table and let me join in on the game they were playing, I became so grateful for this gift in my life. Because of these dinners, I have had the opportunity to develop relationships with some amazing people. Also, it makes me so happy when people eat my food. 

I Get by with a Little Help from my Friends

It's soccer season now and Felicity's learner's league practices EVERY Sunday. On top of that, so does Max's team. Sheesh.

I'm all about team sports and activities for kids, but I'm kind of a stickler about my day of rest. I like Sundays to be a family day. Also, I teach elementary kids all week, so the last thing I want to do is hang out with all of them the day before I start teaching them again. It's not that I don't love them, but I need a recharge on the weekends. 

Thankfully, my neighbor is Max's coach and he was happy to give him a ride to practice.  Felicity also has a few classmates nearby and one was happy to give her a ride as well. They got to be with their friends and learn new skills, and I still got to have a bit of time to myself - win, win.

I'm so grateful to live in a neighborhood where we all watch out for each other. It's so much more than just borrowing an egg or a cup of sugar. It's Stations of the Cross, rides to school, corn hole in the yard, walks around the block, and drinks on the lawn. I'm grateful for all of it.

Quite a Day

Today was Felicity's First Reconciliation. She has been preparing for this day all year and she was VERY excited about it, because it means the next step is First Communion. 

Two weeks ago, I was talking to another mom who has a child in the same class and she was saying her son hadn't memorized his Act of Contrition yet. "No worries," I assured her, "it's not until March."

"March is NEXT week," she reminded me.

We found the Act of Contrition that day and began work. Thankfully, Felicity is self-motivated and a champ at memorizing, so after a day or two, she had it down. We said it every night at prayers just to be sure.

They had a little "rehearsal" in class last Sunday, so she was ready to go. This morning, as I was doing her hair, I asked her if she had though about what she was going to say to the priest. "Our teacher said if we have trouble, we could just ask our parents and they would be able to give us lots of things to say." I laughed.

We arrived at the church and took our place in the pew. Father did a wonderful (and very brief) introduction and gave some instructions. They arranged for two priests since the class is so large. That was very nice, except that they put the visiting priest in the confessional, where all of the kids wanted to go, and our parish priest, who all of the kids wanted to go to, in the cry room. Felicity was a little torn, but finally decided on the confessional. 

I'm glad she was peaceful about her choice, because the kid who was in front of her came crying to her mom, and Felicity ended up being first. She went right in and I could see her little frame through the window. My two friends urged me to take a picture. "That feels kind of like a violation of privacy," I told them. However, after some more encouragement, I gave in and I'm glad I did.

She came out absolutely glowing. She knelt down right next to me, closed her eyes, and did her penance. 

We celebrated afterwards at my favorite little coffee place close to the church. She held my hand as we were walking in. "Wow Mama! We're going to have three days in a row at church. We went to first Friday mass yesterday, First Reconciliation today, and church tomorrow."

"That's a pretty great weekend," I said.

She smiled that sweet smile and agreed. 

In the meantime, somewhere in the Atlanta area, Nelson took Max to the Knights of Columbus state free throw competition. He won his age group in Augusta, and today was the day he had to shoot for the state award. He placed a very respectable second place, making 20/25 free throws.

It was a pretty great day in the Parris house, where there's never a dull moment.

I am so grateful for the sacraments in my faith. I'm so grateful to be able to pass them on to my children. I'm grateful for fullness of this life with five kids and for all the memories we get to make with them.

 

A Weighted Choice

This morning started a bit earlier than most, as Felicity and I attended first Friday mass in our school gym. After a week of very short nights, it was tough, I'm not going to lie. However, I never regret doing it. It's a great way to start the school day and the kicker for the kids is that there is breakfast afterwards. Today, it seemed especially appropriate since we're in the first week of Lent. 

Mass also kicked off 40 hours of adoration in a new chapel in our neighborhood. Our bishop gave us permission to try these 40 hours of adoration quarterly to see if we have enough interest/participation to have the chapel become a perpetual adoration site. Walking to adoration? What a gift!

Before I realized it was Lent, I signed up to cover 5-6 PM. That means, I couldn't take the kids to the Stations of the Cross, which is a Lenten tradition for us. I got a text from one of my neighbors when I got home from school saying she was organizing a neighborhood Stations of the Cross at 5:30. What a great idea, I told her, but unfortunately, I can't do it because of adoration. "Send the kids!", was her generous response. 

I printed out the children's version of the Stations of the Cross she sent me and offered a choice to each of the kids - attend Adoration with me, or Stations of the Cross with the neighbors. "Neither," was both of the boys' response. 

"It's not optional," I explained. "It's Lent and this is what we're doing."

The next question, of course, was how much time each would take. When they discovered Stations of the Cross would be shorter, it was the obvious choice. That meant they would have to get themselves there since I would already be at adoration.  I gave Felicity this task, as she was the only one who chose to go willingly. I handed her the papers and set a timer on the oven. I walked out the door and prayed they would make the right decision.

I had a wonderful hour of adoration. I wanted to linger much longer than my allotted hour. There's just something so peaceful about being in Jesus' presence. However, I knew the kids would be hungry and so was I. 

I made it back to an empty house. I took that as a good sign. The kids came in a few minutes after I did. Their attitudes were changed and all were in good spirits. Well, Felicity was a little sad she didn't get picked to read one of the Stations, and her brothers each got to read two. "Maybe next time," I told her and got to cooking dinner. 

As I was cooking, my neighbor sent me a sweet text. "I have to sing your kiddos praises. They came to stations with great attitudes, participated and had far better behavior than any of the other kids!" Talk about a proud mama moment! 

I am grateful I have neighbors that do things like let my kids walk and pray the Station of the Cross with them. I am grateful my kids made the right choice and did it with a great attitude. I am grateful that my parents ingrained these traditions in me. I am even grateful for the season of Lent. 

Strong Words

I have been working very hard on a personal project since late last summer. I have had great success and no one, other than my oldest daughter, has noticed the change. Granted, I wasn't working on this project so people would take note, it was just something that needed to happen. 

Knowing my own success and seeing the change myself has been enough motivation for me to keep working. However, tonight a sweet friend complimented me on it. She only spoke a short statement or two, and the conversation was fairly quick; but, the sentiment and her kind words, will stay with me for a long time. 

When someone says something like that to me, I often pray, "Lord, let me be the one to lift someone else up like that." It's not always the easiest thing to do. I'm so grateful for people who are strong enough and secure enough to give others compliments. 

Shall We Dance?

I grew up dancing competitively - tap, jazz, and ballet. I loved everything about it. My early life goal was to be a Solid Gold dancer. It was the only way I could see to get paid to do what I loved. 

That dream ended when my dance group got invited to perform at half time of the college basketball game my dad was coaching. We danced to Donna Summer's "Bad Girls" and wore white sequence tube tops with electric blue hot pants that had a sequence star sewn on one of the "cheeks".  As we were dancing out,  I was the last one in the line and directed to kiss my hand and then tap my star. Needless to say, that was the end of dance classes for me and I was devastated. 

Fast forward a few (or many) years, and I now teach ballroom dance at our school. Dance class is not most students favorite thing to do, but it gets them out of homeroom, so they come. I tell the students every year that dancing is a life skill most people will ignore. In fact, I think most people probably disagree with me. However, our school is very small and these kids are a tight knit group. That means they will most likely attend many weddings and parties in the years ahead. I emphasize to the young men that if they can dance, they can win most any girl in the room, because the majority of girls do not like to sit on the sidelines at a dance. 

Every year, there are a few who, shall we say, can't find the beat. We make sure to emphasize that they don't need to tell anyone who taught them how to dance (at least we hope they won't :-)).

I'm grateful that through the years, the Lord has found such sweet ways for me to continue to enjoy the things I love. Dancing, art, and drama are all things I get to do through the school. I'm grateful for the gift that has been and continues to be in my life.

We're Going to State!

When we auditioned kids for the literary competition, we were in a tough position. Nelson and I were the only judges and two of our own kids were auditioning. Lucky for us, Dawson had little competition and every student in the room agreed, he won his place on the team no questions asked. 

For the impromptu audition, Max went first so none of the other kids auditioning for Impromptu were in the room. They were preparing their speeches. There were a few others kids hanging around, but mostly it was just mama and daddy listening to our son. Max, bless his heart, was a nervous wreck. 

When all of the auditions were over, the teacher in charge and Nelson asked who I thought did the best job, I said Max. That's no easy task, but after over 20 years in drama, I know a good speaker when I see one. I knew Max would probably take a bit of of a beating since he won his place over some high school students, but I couldn't ignore the fact that he gave the best speech, even though he was shaking in his shoes.

I'm so glad I stood my ground. He only got better and better the more we rehearsed. Most impromptu speaking is centered around a famous quote, so that's how we practiced. I gave him quotes from everyone from Wayne Gretzky to Shakespeare to Henry Ford to Mother Teresa. Another topic they gave us was Ecclesiastes so he practiced with scripture verses as well. The other topics they sent were famous people and social media. We figured famous people would be done with quotes and he got to choose from three, so we felt we covered our bases. The kid has natural talent and with some coaching, has the skills to develop a quick outline, bullet point some thoughts, and then deliver a great speech. 

He was understandably nervous today. He was a middle school kid in the midst of high school competitors. Luckily, his event was not first, so he got to watch Dawson do his thing before going to prep. Dawson killed it and that made Max even more nervous. "There's no way I'm going to beat these kids! They're seniors!" I assured him that if he performed the way he had been practicing, I had no doubt he could win. 

We walked into his event room. There were two judges and an administrator. The competitors drew numbers, and as luck would have it, Max drew 1. He wasn't happy about that, but I was. The duo I coached had their event in 20 minutes, and I desperately wanted to be there for them. They were middle schoolers as well, and I had no idea what nerves would do to them. I wanted to be there to reassure them. However, my first and most important job was to be present for Max, and so that's where I was. 

The other competitors left to sit in the waiting room. The door was shut and the administrator read the rules to Max. He would have seven minutes from the time he drew his three topics to choose his topic and compose his speech. He drew and his time started. I prayed...for seven solid minutes. It's such a helpless feeling. I knew he could do it, but watching him suffer through the choice of a topic and prep was killing me. 

As coached, he picked his topic within the first minute and Nelson and I looked at each other and smiled. He's got this, we both thought. And still I prayed. My 14 year old, who is now taller than me, looked so small in his suit sitting at that table.

 

The administrator let him know time was up. He stood, took a swig of his water, and walked to the front of the judging table with complete confidence. He had been coached to start with an anecdote, tie that in to his quote, outline three points, deliver said points, and then bring it all back at the end by recalling the anecdote. 

He started out with his deep dimples shining while he talked about the movie, Star Wars. I wondered what quote he drew that would have inspired him to lead with an anecdote about Star Wars. Then he said, "So when I was posed with the quote, "May the Force be with you...". Seriously? Of all the fantastic quotes out there, THIS is the one he was given?  I found out later that his other two choices were two names - Betty White and Matthew Stafford. I would have gone with that quote too. 

He was a little bit repetitive at the beginning, but then he hit his stride. He spoke about what the quote means and then drew a beautiful analogy to the Catholic mass when we say, "Peace be with you." Not once did he mutter an "Umm," "Like," or "Uh..". He has a wonderful ability to insert some humor into his speeches and this one was no different. As he was closing he said, "Although 'May the Force be with you' is one of the most iconic quotes, none of us are going to greet each other by saying, 'Wassup. May the Force be with you.'" It was so perfect and so funny, we were all rolling. He then brought it home and finished with finesse. 

I congratulated him on a speech well given and told him he was going to be hard to beat. I couldn't stay to hear his competition because the other kids I coached were performing. 

At lunch, I asked Max how his competition did. He was convinced he would be last place. It doesn't matter how well he does at something, he never thinks he's the best. I told him I wasn't worried.

At the end of the day, we gathered in the giant auditorium with our team and awaited our fate. The lady in charge said they were going to give out the awards in the reverse order of the events, which meant Max's event would be announced third. The first two events were the International and Domestic Extemporaneous speakers. Both of the young men Nelson coached took first place in their events. She always started with third place and worked her way up. By the time she announced second place for Impromptu, we knew our boy had first place locked down and the look on his face when he realized the same thing was worth all the effort and then some. His teammates went crazy and I almost cried. He didn't believe us when we told him he would most likely take first every time he gave a practice speech, and yet, there he was with that sweet blue ribbon hanging around his neck, next to two big high school kids. 

Dawson won second place in his event, Dramatic Interpretation, and advanced to state as well. At the end of the day, our little school, the only school who competed with middle and high school students, took away first place in the region by almost twice as many points as the second place school. We were very proud indeed!

Nelson and I drove the boys' van there and back. The rest of the team planned on stopping for ice cream and getting home by dinner time. However, the young men in our van wanted FOOD. We found a little hole in the wall Mexican place, filled their stomachs, and started planning for state, which is a week from Friday. Nearly every student we brought advanced to state, so we still have a lot of work to do. Hopefully, they will all stay motivated to keep on keeping on until then. Who knows? Maybe...just maybe, we will have the same kind of success there.