I Hold the Future in my Hands...Well, at least, in my Classroom

We have a student teacher in our elementary school right now. Not only is she a student teacher, she's a mom to two of my students, as well as an alumna of our school, and a dear friend. Today was her first day in my room and I was so excited to be able to help her.

When you've been doing something for a long time, you tend to forget what it's like to do that thing for the first time. Teaching is not that way for me. 

Today she asked me if I ever get nervous teaching. I was immediately transported to the first time I was in my classroom by myself, in my first teaching job. I was standing in the middle of my room before the start of school and a wave of terror hit me. The thought crossed my mind that I could tell these students anything I wanted, run my class any way I chose, and no one would be the wiser. The tremendous responsibility of what I had chosen to do hit me like a ton of bricks. These souls are in my care. I am responsible for them for the hours I have them (which some days may be more than they spend with their parents). It...was...HUGE.

And yes, when I taught my first year, I was not much older than my students. I was teaching a few subjects I had not studied in college. I was only one day ahead of them in the material I was teaching. That was scary too. 

Five years of teaching high school, raising five kids, years and years of tutoring, and now in my fifth year at the elementary level, I don't feel those nerves anymore. I am fully aware that I am holding the future in my hands. When I was young, I wanted to change the world. I'm not doing it in the way I imagined, but I understand that I'm making my mark - one student at a time.

Today, as I walked my friend through some of my procedures and the thought processes behind them, I realized that I can also make a difference by training teachers. Mackenzie has been begging me to come take over for one of hers, who none of her classmates like. From what Mackenzie has told me, she should not be teaching anyone, let alone teachers. If anyone should be great at teaching, it should be the people teaching teachers. How else will they be inspired to greatness?

Though the thought of doing that appeals to me, it would break my heart to leave "my kids". I love my job. I don't always want to get up and go to work, but I always love what I do and who I do it for. I told my friend today that when I get a classroom of students, the Lord gives me a true love for them. Kids that drive me crazy during recess and parking lot duty years before they are in the fourth grade, suddenly seem different when they're my students.

That's a grace, a true gift, that I can't explain. Today I am so grateful for that.