Tuesday night we had our prayer group over.
Earlier in the week Nelson sent out a
reminder asking us to come prepared to talk about what God is doing in our
I’m not going to lie, the prayer times as of late have been
more me crying out to the Lord than me listening to Him. Quiet times are few
and far between. When one kid wakes at 5 AM and another goes to bed at
midnight, there’s not a whole lot of alone time. Praying is done as I go…or as
I nurse…at 5 AM.
This, I know, is only a season. The kind of season that goes
hand in hand with adjusting to having a new baby and all that it entails. I’ve
been in this season before -like when I had three babies under 4 years old (two
who were a mere 15 months apart).
I’ve also enjoyed seasons of wonderful, contemplative
prayer. I spent over ten summers with Blessed Teresa of Calcutta’s Missionaries
of Charity. Let me tell you, those women know how to pray. The beautiful thing
was that as much as their lives taught me about contemplative prayer, they also
taught me that our work is our prayer. Good lesson for a mother.
So back to this current season of not-so-stellar prayer
times in the midst of a group of holy people who are currently all about the
contemplative prayer that is in no way, shape or form happening for me.
I was a tad nervous about how I would share. In fact, my plan
was to keep it quiet at this meeting.
As luck would have it, instead of our normal, “Who wants to
share?” Nelson decided to go around the room and give everyone…every single
person…a chance. In other words, after everyone else had shared, he looked at
me and said, “Amy?”
Thanks Babe. I owe you one.
I started with, “Well, it’s been a rough season. Truthfully,
God’s not doing anything with me right now…and that’s okay.”
A hush fell over the crowded room. Not cool.
I continued so that no one would think I’ve really gone off
the deep end.
Don’t get me wrong, I know God loves me; He’s just not
speaking amazing words to me right now. I’m in survival mode and He’s getting
me through. We’re tight like that – God and me. I know He loves me and He knows
I love Him. We’ll hang together and dive into some contemplation during some
What I have learned is that when you are in survival mode,
it’s okay to ask for help. In the last several months, I’ve had no choice other
than to let people help me. That’s not easy for me to do. However, I have been
blessed tremendously by the service people have given me.
I’ve also learned that it’s okay to share with others when
you’re life is not perfect. That blog post
was incredibly difficult for me. I
sat down to write about something else entirely and that’s what came out. It
came out easily. Hitting the publish button was SCARY. What happened as a
result has been astounding.
Women from all over the United States have contacted me and
given me incredible encouragement. It has been so wonderful to know I am not
alone. People’s comments have felt like hugs. I’ve even gotten personal text
messages asking for specific prayers. What a gift! It’s so nice to know that
what I’ve been through is not for nothing. I know exactly how to pray for these
mamas. (By the way, if you’d like me to add you to my list – contemplative
prayer isn’t happening, but man do I intercede a lot – shoot me an email. I’d
love to pray for you too!) I’m so glad I shared my weakness. Interestingly
enough, it has brought me strength.
The bottom line is that God is doing something in my life.
Whew! We can all rest a little easier tonight.
You see, God whispers in the quiet of our hearts, but He can
also shout at us through the noise of our lives.