A Simple Prayer

Sometimes there are challenging days, and other times there are challenging seasons. In the challenging seasons, sometimes days are great and filled with hope, and other days something bad happens and you fall down the rabbit hole of sadness. You know how that goes. One thing goes wrong and you mull it around in your mind until you remember another bad thing that happened recently, which leads to something else that happened a month ago, and suddenly you're listening to the lies that you're no good, nobody cares for you, and so you must be a total failure.

It all sounds so depressing and sad doesn't it? It is, or would be, if that were the truth. However, even if you've stumbled across this blog and I have never met you, I can promise you that nothing could be farther from the truth. You are a son or daughter of THE KING and I guarantee that your creator both loves and adores you. If we were all perfect people, we could live in that truth and the bad things would be just that - bad things. 

Unfortunately, we're humans with free will and well, I don't know about you, but I'm definitely not perfect. There are times when I live in the knowledge that Jesus loves me and He's listening to my heartfelt prayers. There are also times when I feel like I've waited long enough, prayed hard enough, fasted for as long as needed, and I think it's about time I get what I want. I have gained a little bit of wisdom in this area and the older I get, the more I find myself simply praying that God's perfect will be done. I figure He always answers that one. 

Last month I took on the St. Andrew, or Christmas novena. It's kind of intense as far as novenas go. Instead of nine days, you pray it every day from November 30th until Christmas, and instead of one prayer, you say the prayer fifteen times each day. Like I said, it's intense, but it's also beautiful, as well as a wonderful way to stay focused on the true meaning of Christmas. I said it this year with a very specific intention in mind, fully expecting that I would receive a Christmas miracle. The hope that prayer gave me was a big part of how I maintained my peace in the midst of one of the busiest times of the year.

Then Christmas came and went. New Years came and went. Epiphany came and went. And my intention went unanswered. 

Last night I was kind of slapped in the face with the reality that not only was my prayer not answered, it's probably going to be a very long time until it is...if ever. Those are the tough moments to maintain faith. When your prayers seem pure and unselfish and you still don't get the answer you're looking for, it's hard to keep praying. Even though I've lived a long enough life to count my many blessings and know that God loves me, sometimes in my humanness, I don't feel that at all. 

I'm going to be honest, I cried until I couldn't cry any more last night. I cried out to the Lord mostly, but I also just cried because I was sad. I'm not proud to say that I struggled through my tears to find three things to be grateful for, but I did it anyway. And then I remembered that I have a tool at my disposal to fight the sadness - prayer. 

I laid there and said a familiar prayer I often pray as I fall asleep, "Jesus, I trust in You." I said it over and over and over until I began to come to terms with the fact that I believe it. It's a simple prayer and that's what I love about it. I can say it when I'm crying, when I'm terrified, or when I'm falling asleep at night. I can say it while I'm cooking dinner, folding laundry, and running carpools. I can even say it in the middle of teaching when things get a little crazy or challenging. I've never timed it, but I'm guessing it doesn't take more than a second or two to get the words out. 

It didn't change anything...except me.

Today I'm grateful for simple prayers. Prayers I can lean on when I can't come up with any other words to pray. Prayers that in their simplicity demonstrate the beauty of our faith. Prayers so simple a child can say them, yet so deep an adult can meditate on them and be changed. 

I'm finding that prayer isn't, in the end, as much about changing situations, as it is about changing the person praying. I do it daily and I'm so grateful that God is willing to work with...ahem, on, me when I do. 

Jesus, I trust in You!