A Self Reminder
I think I figured something out tonight. I haven't been blogging as much as I always have lately. Okay, that observation is not the thing I figured out. That didn't take any figuring out at all actually.
I was trying to figure out why I’m not blogging as much. One reason is that I'm so busy I don't have time to sleep let alone blog. In reality though, this has been the story of my life since I had the two middle boys and it didn't stop me then.
Another reason is that I've stumbled upon one or two amazing blogs that I've fallen head over heals for. I'm talking picture perfect. The entries are daily, the photos are gorgeous (and also daily) and the posts are thoughtful, lengthy and usually include a lesson. I don't have time to blog like that. Truthfully, I'm not sure I could if I did.
Reason number three is that I can look at how many people read this thing and the actual number depresses me. Granted the number of readers was not the reason I began this, nor was it one of my major goals. Still, in the back of my head I sometimes think, "No one reads this. Why bother." This is self-centered, embarrassing and ridiculous.
Lastly, when I think about my life recently it comes to me in gigantic, earth-shattering chunks. My whole world is changing and I can't take the time to hack it out here because I'm too busy living/being in complete awe of it.
Here's the thing though. I am constantly writing. I have since I learned to write. I have volumes of writing up in my attic that I hope my children read some day...long after I die. (Those books contain actual names and dates and I'm not ready for the kids to know which of their friends' fathers I dated way back when. Ignorance is bliss.) I stopped writing in those journals for the most part when I started writing here. But even when I'm not putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, I am writing.
So tonight I made the decision to just start writing again. Not for the readers (although I really love you...all 25 of you…and feel that you're no longer readers but friends), or the perfection, but for me.
I'm just warning ya. Watch out.