You know that moment when your perfect newborn goes from that perfection to waking up several times a night and crying a lot during the day and never letting you put her down? Well, I'm there.
I've said this before (Out of curiosity, do you get money for coining a phrase?): kids are many things, but convenient is not one of them. I don't know if it's been too long, or I'm too old, or God has totally cleared these kinds of memories from my mind, but y'all, I've forgotten how hard it is to have a baby.
These last few months have been one chaotic upheaval after another. Beginning moments after Felicity's birth we had a stay in the NICU; daily blood tests at the hospital for jaundice; a water heater freezing and breaking - flooding our master bedroom, closet, and bathroom; our bed was broken; our ceiling caved in and insulation was blown all over everything causing Felicity and I to bunk with Mackenzie and my underwear to be relocated to the family room (YES, my underwear IN THE FAMILY ROOM); my mother-in-law had a stroke; my husband has experienced some scary health issues; the power went out; the baby developed reflux; the Glory Run and 4th grade play have started; I’ve developed mastitis.
It's been a little overwhelming. Having a baby is kind of a big deal...even the fifth time, maybe, especially the fifth time. That would be enough, having a newborn is enough. However, having a newborn when one thing after another happens, is more, ever so more than enough.
When you have a baby, let's face it, everything feels like a much bigger deal because the hormones are flowing, the sleep is not, and the brain has left the building. Trips to the ER, visits to the hospital, a room coated in insulation, relocating to the second floor are all much more complicated. Of course, a trip to the grocery store is also more complicated when you have a baby.
I get through this by telling myself that this is only a season, albeit a very long and hard season. I also cry some, call my mom a lot and humbly allow my friends to bring me meals and hold my baby.
Here's what I've gained from this: I can not do this by myself.
I can NOT do this by myself.
I can not do THIS by myself.
I can not do this by MYSELF.
I stand here to tell you that lessons in humility are hard. There are a lot of other lessons I'd prefer to learn. God and I apparently disagree on this point.
We do that a lot.
I'm thinking what He'd like to tell me is that my job is not to decide on the lesson, but rather to learn it so we can move on. Since I’ve got this, I’m hoping I’m getting the lesson too.
Hey God? Can we move on now?