Pressing Pause

One long week is running into another. Once I started working full time again, I realized that I have to fight feeling bad. My days are so packed and busy (5 kids have a tendency to do that), that I now spend my weekends catching up on the menu planning, grocery shopping, house cleaning, and ironing, not to mention other outside commitments. Monday rolls around and I start all over again. 

It's a bit depressing when I look at it that way. When there's no down time, I don't do well. Besides prayer, the one thing I do for myself is exercise. It's the thirty minutes of the day when I don't feel bad about not answering calls and texts, or shooing kids out. "It's only thirty minutes," I say as I try to catch my breath. "Unless someone is dying, it can wait."

I reached that point in the day yesterday when all I wanted to do was workout and be alone for that short time. As I pushed play, I got a text from a student's mom. Could I call about something? It sounded important enough that I pressed pause and made the call. 

I finished that and pushed play again. Another text from another mom. Did I have a class list for a birthday invite she could have for a party day after tomorrow? I've been there...at the last minute...I pushed pause again and found the information she needed. 

Two necessary things done. Finally I can get going. As I pushed play for the third time, Felicity came in with a barrage of questions about going somewhere with someone that minute. I figured if I took care of this, I would finally have some peace.

Once she was on her way, I stared at the remote in my hand. Dare I try again? I almost laughed out loud, otherwise I might have started crying. Some peaceful days are, well, not peaceful. 

I am, however, still grateful. I'm grateful I have been able to resist the temptation to use noise cancelling air pods to tune out my family. I'm grateful for a mother's heart that knows when another mother needs a call or a helping hand. I'm grateful that my life is full and not empty. And, I'm really grateful that in the end, I worked out anyway.