"In his his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

We start every school day with class prayers, one of the many, many things I love about where I work. The kids come in, put their things away and stand by their desks. Once the bell rings, I greet them and we pray the Our Father, say the Pledge of Allegiance, and then the monthly and weekly scriptures.  

Every month we have a character quality we focus on as well. All of the scripture verses reflect the character quality and provide some very teachable moments. This month the quality we're working on is flexibility, which basically means being able to adjust to change with a good attitude. 

This week's scripture is, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Prov. 16:9) More than the kids, the Lord often works on me through these daily reminders.

My mom told me many, many years ago that I could make all the plans I want, even do what I want, but unless I'm doing the Lord's will, I will never be happy. That was life changing for me. If God called me to be a nun (I wanted desperately to be married) in Antarctica (I despise being cold), I could be on a beach in the Bahamas, but I would never be truly happy. I wasn't sure I believed her then; however, she was oh, so very right.

Take for instance my life at (GASP) 50. I'm not sure I had a distinct plan for this period of my life, but I'm pretty certain it didn't include having an 8 year old, or working as a 4th grade teacher in a small school. I'm not proud of this, but I'll be honest, I cried many tears over both of those events. 

Nelson had a ten year retirement plan in place. Max was going into Kindergarten. I would go back to work. And, before long, we would have the house paid for and be on our way to an early retirement we could enjoy while we were still "young". As I stared at the positive pregnancy test, I wept. I was WAY older than I thought I should be. My mom nearly died when she had my brother at age 40, so I was absolutely convinced I would die having a baby at 42. THIS was not the plan, and it took me most of nine months to change gears.

Now, I can honestly say, God knew better. First of all, I did not die. And also, that little red-headed, freckle-faced, glasses-wearing, dimpled girl is one of my greatest gifts. She brings joy beyond measure and I can't fathom life without her. The Lord determined my steps.

Before the assembly on my first day of teaching 4th grade full time, I stood in my classroom bawling my eyes out (yes, the ugly, everyone will know I've been crying kind of cry). This was not my plan. Felicity was still at home, and I had stayed home with all of my kids. Not only would I miss her days, I would miss many afternoons and evenings trying to catch up on everything. How could that be God's plan? It was the first time I remember doing something the Lord was making evidently clear, that I REALLY didn't want to do. 

I wiped my eyes, walked into that gym, and fought back tears every day for the first month or two. Going back to work full time after so long was a big adjustment. My family didn't look the same, I was missing my last year home with my baby, and I was facing a challenging class. I did it anyway. By Christmas break, that class had worked their way into my heart and they've never left. I still don't like waking up and going to work. I also don't love spending my weekends doing housework, laundry, and shopping. But...I love what I do. And...I know I'm right where the Lord wants me. Through the years, my students have brought a joy into my life that God knew I was going to need. The Lord once again determined my steps.

It's only taken half a century, but what I've gained is this - I've stopped making plans and started praying to see God's plan. I don't tell people what I'm doing in the future or how long I'll be teaching. I say, "I'll be doing this until the Lord calls me to something else." There is a peace I've found in letting go.

But what do you do when you're in a place and you can't see the Lord's direction? What do you do when you are listening long and hard and you still can't see what in the world God has in mind? 

Seasons like that are hard, very hard. You can pray and listen and fast and offer up suffering and thank God for that suffering and sometimes...you still can't see where the Lord is leading you. So, what can you do?

I am right there right now, a tough season for sure, but I am still thanking the Lord for the good things that happen when they do. I am still praying, because I've promised the Lord I will never give up. God has been so good to me through the years, that I can't. 

I thought about giving up once. I was so upset that things weren't going they way I wanted them too that I stood in the middle of my hallway and told God, "That's it, I'm giving up because You're not helping me." It's one time I heard the Lord VERY clearly. "That's just what the Devil wants from you. He's going to have you the minute you give up." 

Talk about a game changer. 

I'm not a quitter. And that's exactly what God wanted me to remember. I stood right where I was and changed my mind. I was not about to let the Devil win, so I told that Devil to go right back where he came from (in much clearer words than I'll say here). No matter what he does, I'm never givng up on God and I never will! Sometimes I forget who the evil one is and God came down that night to remind me. 

No matter what season I'm in, no matter how hard it gets, I will thank God when I'm going to bed and I will thank Him again when I wake. I will trust that He will determine my steps, and if they're hard steps that seem impossible to climb, I KNOW He will be right there with me. 

That is what I'm grateful for. No matter what I do, or how many times I forget, God will always be by my side whether or not I can feel Him. I'm grateful He NEVER gives up on me. He keeps picking me up and putting me back on His path and He will continue to do that as long as I'm willing to let Him. And for that, I am very, very grateful!