Momentary Mush

The big project I've been working on this week with only half of my family in town is turning the nursery into a guest bedroom. We moved Max upstairs with the big kids months ago but that really only meant that he slept up there. The rest of his stuff was still downstairs.

This week I finally bit the bullet and went through all the stuff. I'm happy to report that by the end of Tuesday, the room was devoid of all Max's things but the furniture. I stood there in that empty space and felt a huge sense of accomplishment. I was utterly amazed at what I could do given some undivided time.

While I was standing there, it occurred to me that it would be tough to use this as a real guest room with a changing table and kid's dresser in it, so I snapped a few photos of them and posted them on Craig's List the next day. The furniture was really too much for us to store "just in case" and I figured if we do ever need it again, we'll buy some actual furniture that can grow with the kid.

I was surprised by the activity on my listing and by today I had people coming to look at the stuff. The first couple that came was expecting their second child in 4 weeks and already had a 15 month old in arms. She walked in, loved the stuff, handed me the money and it was gone.

Then it hit me...it was gone. This was the furniture I was looking at when my water broke before I had Mackenzie, the furniture I spent hours upon hours changing diapers on, the furniture that held the books I read to all of my babies. It wasn't just furniture, it was part of the family...my family and now it was gone.

Funny, I didn't think some cheap furniture would affect me as emotionally as it did. Whether or not this is the end of this part of our lives, only God knows. It is however, the end of one part of this stage - the stage when I had three kids under four, the stage when we built a house while I was pregnant and moved when Max was two weeks old, the stage that made us who we are.

Oh, tomorrow I will be fine and I will rejoice in an empty room that I get to make pretty all over again. I will be happy with the cash in my pocket and I will move on. Tomorrow I will do those things, but tonight, tonight I will be remiss for a moment longer. I will play back all those sweet memories and I will not go back in that empty room for fear of becoming a big puddle of mush.

Time marches on even in our little home and sometimes I need a moment to just take it all in.