/> Raising Angels: Sometimes So Is Life

Monday, August 09, 2010

Sometimes So Is Life

I've been holding onto some thoughts lately. Thoughts I'd like to hold in until I can find the time and the words to wax eloquently about them. It's not happening - the time or the eloquence.

It seems sometimes life is. There are no other words. It goes, you follow - nuf' said.

I made another visit to the pediatric neurologist today with Max. It's funny to think that just one year ago I had such heavy emotions about this and now I know the ladies in the office and it feels just like any other appointment with Max.

This one, however, was different. It was. I felt. I thought. We left.

Still thinking.

The neurologist thought everything would be resolved by now. It's not. "He definitely has pronounced weaknesses. Your observations are right on," he told me.

"Think about a biopsy." "I'm thinking he may have one of several rare muscular diseases." "Drugs won't change him." "Could be genetic." "Could be passed to future children." "We know it's not a serious one." "Let's watch and talk in December."

There were many more words, questions, discussions between us. He sat with me a good 15 or 20 minutes hashing it out. He gave me an out with the biopsy option and I took it. So we made an appointment for December and then we left.

I am still a bit numb. Like I said before, it is what it is. I don't know what the future holds for Max. But then, if he had no weakness, I still wouldn't know what his future holds.

I tell myself this is not a big deal. I think. I pray. I keep going. I waffle between letting go of athletic dreams for him to seeing him train for a race with me someday.

Then I think, so what. So what if he never plays soccer or football. So what if he never runs as fast as everyone else (I can keep him company there). So what if he has a muscle condition.

Max is a gift. He's just the way God made him. I get to be his mom and I think that's pretty great no matter what. I love him - fiercely.

It's not eloquent. It's not poetic. But it is. And sometimes, so is life.


Blogger nicole said...

I'm reading and praying for peace of heart.

My nephew has low muscle tone issues. He doesn't have to see a neurologist and his delayed functions are much more subtle now than they were before (he will be 3 in September). We all choose to focus on his strengths and how his condition has seemingly helped him excel in other areas.

Max is clearly a joy to your family and I can tell that you have your hearts and minds centered on that.

12:28 PM  
Anonymous BAMA said...

Max is perfect!! And he'd be perfect if he had 2 heads!! He will always be loved! What more can we ask for? What he can't do will be so overlooked because of what he can do!! BAMA loves all of you!

11:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are right. We don't know the futures of ANY of our children. Bama is right too. He is perfect just as he is, and he is sure to excel in ways that will have us all bursting with pride. What a Joy he is to all of us....as are all of your wonderful children.

We love you all so dearly. Damma & Papa

1:44 AM  

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