Ah, the Insanity
I'm having some serious issues lately. I wake up every day exhausted. I am forgetting about commitments I've made, missing appointments and am generally unorganized. I can't even keep up with the blog. It's not that there’s nothing to write about, I'm just too tired to do it at the end of the day.
I've spent the majority of the past year wondering what in the world is wrong with me. Granted, I'll be the first to tell you that I have never had it all together. However, before now, I was relatively decent at having a good enough cover to appear as if I did. This has not been the case this year. I feel that I'm falling apart and everyone knows it. In short, I'm driving myself crazy.
This morning everyone was up so early that we had more than enough time to get to mass except for the fact that Max decided he wanted a bottle as well as breakfast, Mackenzie elected for French braids, Dawson got dressed with his shirt on top of his sweater vest and his pants on backwards and Aiden climbed on a chair in the closet to get to his piggy bank which he had been banned from doing. Even with all that we made it to church in plenty of time at which point Mackenzie wanted a drink of water and both the boys had to go potty.
In a brief moment of clarity I realized what a huge chunk of my day is taken up by feeding and caring for my four kids, one of whom is not even a year old. Motherhood is a time consuming, mind losing, self-sacrificing vocation. It will wear you down. It's doing that to me presently.
The good news is that this is a season. It won't last forever. I'm not sure what I did when Dawson was an infant, Aiden was one and Mackenzie was barely four. I'm sure I didn't have it together then either. The difference is that I didn't have a blog to record it. I'm pretty sure that I made it through that time as evidenced by the arrival of Maximilian; and so I'm fairly certain I will survive this too.
Until then I will ride it out and chalk up my "disorderly" conduct to motherhood and be grateful for every cotton picking minute of it.
posted by Amy Parris @ 10:56 PM
6 Comments:
Amy,
There must be a special, peaceful spot in Heaven for wonderful mothers like you. God bless you, and remember "this, too, shall pass".
Papa
I can so relate Amy! I was just telling a friend who is about to have her fifth baby that I am just now feeling like I'm getting back into some kind of routine. I felt like the first six months of life with Butterfly was controlled chaos. We just can't think too much about what we have to do, instead just do it. I hope this week has some down time for you.
I have always had a rule that if my kids could do it themselves, then they should. And the older one helps the younger one. And Daddy helps too.
I do the majority of it all, but gosh, they can help out.
Somethings you just got to let go, like making sure clothes match, or wearing crocs to church. Somethings just are not that big of a deal.
Can't McKenzie help with the boys, or does she already? You need a vacation Mom.
Definitely need the vacation. And yes, Mackenzie is an amazing help. We do teach them early to do for themselves and usually they do okay. It's only every so often we get a mistake like Sunday's. It was actually so funny I was tempted to leave him that way, but I thought he'd be too big of a distraction during mass :).
Amy,
Thank you for your blog. I marvel at what mothers go through - what they sacrifice for their children, for their husbands - for their family.
I am preparing for my priestly ordination this June. At my first Mass I am going to present my mother with the corporal that I will have used at the ordination to remove the sacred chrism from my hands.
In preparing this presentation, I have been thinking of what mother's (and mine specifically) do for their children.
You teach us many things, but two very important ones come to mind. How to LOVE and how to SACRIFICE. It is from mothers that a child learns these. She teaches him how to love by loving him. And she teaches him how to sacrifice by her own many sacrifices. Physical, emotional sacrifices. These two lessons are summed up for us as well in the cross of Our Lord.
God Bless You.
A.R.
Thank you so much for your kind words. If you continue to think the way you do, you will bring many a young mother consulation in her time of need.
My brother also presented his corporal to my mom during his first mass and there wasn't a dry eye in the church. It was such a beautiful gesture.
I will be praying for you during your final months of preparation. May God bless you in your service to Him.
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