Ashes, Ashes, The Baby is Falling Down

Today was my 36 week check up. I went in with mixed emotions. Physically, I want nothing more than to be finished with this pregnancy. Mentally, I know it's not quite time and although I've gone early with all three, four weeks might be a bit too early.

When the doctor measured my stomach he gave me a worried look. "The baby is measuring a little small. Are all your babies small?"

"No, they've all been over 7 pounds even at 2 weeks early," I said feeling concerned.

After checking me and letting me know that I was dilated to 2 and showing some other signs that labor is around the corner, he sent me to the sonographer. "I want to get some real measurements of this baby and then we'll talk," he said in a serious tone.

Instead of being excited about going into labor, the tears welled up in my eyes. I don't care how uncomfortable I am, I want this baby to be born in God's perfect time. I want everything to be okay. I waited for the sonographer unable to focus any of my thoughts. You see, the last time I was at 2, I had the baby the next day. This house is not packed. The new house is not ready. There is still so much to do. I don't care where I bring the baby home, but how will it all get done in the midst of labor, recovery and a newborn? What if the baby is not ready? Then what will we do?

The sonographer was very kind. As she proceeded with the sonogram she assured me that every thing with the baby looks fine. It already weighs 6 pounds 15 ounces, the heart beat is strong and the lungs look good. If anything, she said, the baby is ahead of schedule.

I breathed a sigh of relief and finally giggled a little when I saw the baby's face as it stuck out its tongue. My doctor met with me, gave me his personal pager number and told me to call him the minute anything happens (my labors are not only early but FAST), he also said he'd like to give this baby at least another week and told me to rest.

I've always said that having babies is God's way of showing us that He really is the one in charge. The timing of everything is in His hands. Try as we might and plan as we do, we learn very quickly that we cannot control anything. This baby is no different.

This Lent is going to be full of sacrifices of a different nature. The sacrifice of doing nothing for a while. The sacrifice of labor. The sacrifice of sleepless nights and long days. The sacrifice of the Cross. In the end, all of it is nothing compared to the glory of the Resurrection. The joy of a new life.