The First Baby Gift

Last week at my check up the nurse asked me to extend my arm so she could draw some blood. I'm not one to usually ask questions but this time I was curious.

"Why are you drawing my blood again? You just did this 4 weeks ago when I came in."

The nurse answered as she stuck my arm. "This is to test for Down's Syndrome and Cystic Fibrosis," she answered rather nonchalantly.

"I've never had this done before," I inquired further. "It's always been optional and I've always declined it." My reasoning behind declining this test is this - nothing can be done about either of these conditions. Regardless of the outcome, I would NEVER EVER choose to kill my baby. So I figure I can spend the next 5 months worrying like crazy about how I will deal with a special needs child or I can deal with it when God gives me the grace to do so.

Both the nurse and the doctor explained to me that it's no longer optional. Neither had a good reason why. They would get the results and let me know if I tested positive.

Here I put my foot down. "I would like a phone call either way," I said resolutely. They agreed.

I tried not to spend the week worrying about it. After all, there's nothing I can do. But no matter how hard I tried, the thoughts crept into my head. Maybe I'm still so sick because something is wrong with the baby. Could my inability to keep the prenatal vitamins down have such an ill effect? Is my body punishing my baby for not taking it easy enough? Suddenly a week turned into 10 days and try as I may to push the negativity out, it always found a way back in.

This afternoon at 4:40 the phone rang. The caller ID said it was the doctor's office. I left the kids and walked into the other room to answer it.

"Is this Amy?" the nurse asked rather seriously. Upon confirmation she identified herself and told me that the tests all came out negative. "Everything looks great," she said, "your baby is perfectly healthy. I didn't want you to have to go through the whole weekend worrying about it."

I hung up the phone, rubbed my sweet baby, said, "Thank you, thank you Jesus," and promptly burst into tears. I was relieved. I was grateful. I was connected to this baby more than I have been during this pregnancy. I hugged my belly again and continued to offer up prayers of thanksgiving.

I know that there are still hundreds of things that can go wrong. I know there are never any guarantees. But, I also know that tonight I will celebrate this gift and dream sweet dreams of this precious little soul growing within me.