The Crossroad

Two roads diverged in the wood and there I stand. I’m in the middle looking each way. I have no idea where I am or where each road will lead, so I stand…and stare…and wait.

This is not where I saw myself. Not that I never thought I would reach a crossroad. No. In fact, there have been many. I’ve stood there for a brief second, or two, made a decision, discerned a direction and off I went. Life is full of them. Been there. Done that.

The crossroad is not the hard part. It’s the standing there watching myself from the outside. Standing there with an unsure direction. It’s standing there…doing nothing, that’s eating at me.

I don’t stand still. I don’t sit around. I don’t stay undecided. I do. I go. I choose.

Except that I’m not.

Maybe my problem this time is not the decision to be made, but the wonder at where I am and why I’m here in the first place. I’m a planner. I’m a studier. I’m a thinker and a doer.

However, I didn’t walk down this road in the first place. I didn’t map out this course. I didn’t intend anything about this and it’s killing me. This is not my thing. This is not my choice. I don’t have this.

So I stand and stare into space.

That’s the big picture of the little crossroads at which I stand. And just getting the words out, just envisioning the scene helps because, no matter how I got here, I can’t just stay. Life is not sedentary. There is a direction to go and a choice to be made that can only be done by me.

I take a deep breath while closing my eyes. I breathe deeply. I feel the environment. Suddenly, my eyes pop open and see the road more clearly than I’ve seen it before.  It’s time to move away from this stale place. In the staleness, nothing can grow.

Sometimes the decision is not direction. Sometimes the decision is to move or to stay. And finally, I realize I cannot stay in this place anymore. It’s time to move. It’s time to do.

I step forward. The roads no longer matter. I plunge ahead in faith that if I keep moving, wherever I end up is going to be better than the middle of nowhere.

That’s a good start.