Today we awoke like
normal. The sun was still shining, the
kids were healthy and happy, and we were okay though a bit tired, neither of us
having slept much.
We were hosting a birthday
dinner for my mom, so there was a nice distraction in place for me. I occupied
my mind by cleaning and cooking. Life doesn’t stop because you lose a job.
At one point in the
afternoon, I took a break and sat on the floor next to Nelson who was busy at
the computer. “What are you doing?” I asked as he typed away.
“Well, I couldn’t sleep last
night so I wrote this letter, which I’m realizing now is really more of a
business plan. Want to read it?”
So I did. It was amazing. Of
course, there was a lot of lingo I didn’t know so he hashed it out with me. And
as he did, I saw the first and only weary emotion from him. “This is the first
time I’ve let this get to me since I found out,” he admitted. “I feel so
The counselor in me kicked in
with all my reflective listening, but really I was relieved to know my husband
is human. I was also heart-broken to see him in pain. That is what is killing
me. Watching someone you love suffer and being totally helpless to do anything
about it is not a fun place to be. I did manage to hold back the water works
“How can I help? I can pick
up some free lance writing jobs; hit the streets to find some more students to
tutor. I already know we need to let the house cleaner (who Nelson so
graciously hired during this trying season with Felicity) go. I’ll do whatever
“Doll, you are going to have
your hands full keeping up with everything you do now that you won’t have help.
You let me worry about the income, and you worry about the outgo. Spend as
little as possible and only when necessary.Other than that please support me and be strong for me.“
I love this man.
My family came over that
evening to celebrate my mom’s birthday. After we had all honored her, Felicity had
had enough. I excused myself to bathe her and get her bed. That was the moment
Nelson chose to tell my family what had happened. I’m sure he did that for my
sake. Raw emotions combined with exhaustion are not helpful with the strong,
supportive spouse roll.
Of course, my mom came in the
nursery to check on me as the guys continued to talk. She reminded me of the
long period of time that my dad was out of work and the years of sacrifice that
followed. She talked about how God had used that season in their lives. It’s
amazing how much wisdom she gains the older I get.
She talked. I cried. Sheesh.
This is becoming a habit.
It’s hard to convince someone
you’re fine when you’re blowing your nose and wiping away the tears. “We’re
going to be fine, really we are.”
“Yeah,” I’m sure she was
thinking. “I can see that.” She didn’t say that though. She’s been there. She
knows that tears come with the territory. My ugly crying face does not scare
One family down, one to go. I
think it will get easier after the word gets out. At least, I hope I run out of
tears by then.