The Journey: Day 2

Today we awoke like normal.  The sun was still shining, the kids were healthy and happy, and we were okay though a bit tired, neither of us having slept much.

We were hosting a birthday dinner for my mom, so there was a nice distraction in place for me. I occupied my mind by cleaning and cooking. Life doesn’t stop because you lose a job.

At one point in the afternoon, I took a break and sat on the floor next to Nelson who was busy at the computer. “What are you doing?” I asked as he typed away.

“Well, I couldn’t sleep last night so I wrote this letter, which I’m realizing now is really more of a business plan. Want to read it?”

“Sure.”

So I did. It was amazing. Of course, there was a lot of lingo I didn’t know so he hashed it out with me. And as he did, I saw the first and only weary emotion from him. “This is the first time I’ve let this get to me since I found out,” he admitted. “I feel so betrayed.”

The counselor in me kicked in with all my reflective listening, but really I was relieved to know my husband is human. I was also heart-broken to see him in pain. That is what is killing me. Watching someone you love suffer and being totally helpless to do anything about it is not a fun place to be. I did manage to hold back the water works this time.

“How can I help? I can pick up some free lance writing jobs; hit the streets to find some more students to tutor. I already know we need to let the house cleaner (who Nelson so graciously hired during this trying season with Felicity) go. I’ll do whatever you need.”

“Doll, you are going to have your hands full keeping up with everything you do now that you won’t have help. You let me worry about the income, and you worry about the outgo. Spend as little as possible and only when necessary.  Other than that please support me and be strong for me.“

I love this man.

My family came over that evening to celebrate my mom’s birthday. After we had all honored her, Felicity had had enough. I excused myself to bathe her and get her bed. That was the moment Nelson chose to tell my family what had happened. I’m sure he did that for my sake. Raw emotions combined with exhaustion are not helpful with the strong, supportive spouse roll.

Of course, my mom came in the nursery to check on me as the guys continued to talk. She reminded me of the long period of time that my dad was out of work and the years of sacrifice that followed. She talked about how God had used that season in their lives. It’s amazing how much wisdom she gains the older I get.

She talked. I cried. Sheesh. This is becoming a habit.

It’s hard to convince someone you’re fine when you’re blowing your nose and wiping away the tears. “We’re going to be fine, really we are.”

“Yeah,” I’m sure she was thinking. “I can see that.” She didn’t say that though. She’s been there. She knows that tears come with the territory. My ugly crying face does not scare her.

One family down, one to go. I think it will get easier after the word gets out. At least, I hope I run out of tears by then.