Pilgrim's (and my) Progress

This weekend was a struggle. Like I've said, some days I have the strength to push through, other days...I sit in a church bathroom and my own closet and cry until tears won't come anymore. Well, maybe not all my tears. I just allowed myself a good cry and then I told myself to get a hold of myself, and move on. 

Do you give yourself pep talks too?

I'd like to say the tears were cleansing, but they weren't. Every once in awhile, I just can't hold them in any longer. Something triggers the pain inside and, well, I lose it. Ever have one of those days?

After two days in a row of that, Monday was upon me and it was time to move on. When you teach a classroom full of fourth graders, you don't have the luxury of having an off day. You have to be ON....ALL DAY...EVERY...DAY. It can be exhausting, but it can also change my focus to the task in front of me and help push the pain away. There are moments, even some of the tough ones, when I feel the power of the Holy Spirit. I can't explain it, I just know that my words and actions are His and not mine and that awareness is true gift. It's what I love about my job, or really, any job. When God gets a hold of you like that, it's hard to feel bad.

I try my best to read aloud to the class most days. They love listening and I love reading and literature, so it's a sweet time. Today I was finishing up Pilgrim's Progress, a book that I'm ashamed to say I've never read. Max and Dawson's fourth grade teacher read it to them and they loved it, so I thought I'd give it a try. I'm going to be honest, it's not one of my favorites, but the kids have loved it. 

A mom and her kids were nearing the end of their journey to the Celestial City, which can only be interpreted as Heaven. It's arduous, and long, and full of seemingly insurmountable challenges. And yet, they continue on. They were going through the Valley of Despair when one of the boys said, "...it is not so bad to go through this place as it is to dwell here for all time; for this place surely shows us how blessed the city is to which we go, and how little we have left behind us." Then Samuel added, "Why, surely, if I get out of this place, I think I shall prize that which is right and good more than I have done all my life."

It was as if the Lord had written those words just for me and timed the reading of the story so I would say those things out loud today. 

"Did you hear that?" I asked the class. "Do you know what that means?"

"Yes! It means Heaven is better than here."

"Indeed!" I congratulated.

It's a truth so simple a nine year old can understand. I know it too. I just forget it sometimes. This world and its pains and struggles is not all there is. It's not the best there is. It's simply what we have to go through to reach the end goal - Heaven. 

I'm grateful that God ALWAYS finds a way to get through to me. I'm grateful He understands my love of the creative ways He chooses to do it. I'm grateful that one day, hopefully, I too will make it through all of life's challenges and arrive in the "Celestial City".