Eternally Grateful

 2022...I can remember thinking about the year 2000 when I was in elementary school. I had a feeling it would be like an episode of the Jetsons, flying cars, robotic servants, and the like. I had visions of being the first woman anything - first female president, astronaut, whatever. I had some pretty big plans for a little girl.

And here I am now, half a decade old (did I just admit that?), a house full of teenagers, a young adult, and an eight-year-old. I always dreamed of being a mom, it's true. However, my dreams didn't include the heart-wrenching struggles that being married and raising children would bring. Reality is often a harsh wake up.

There have been ups and down for sure. I've noticed that over the past few years, I've focused more on the downs. Turns out, I'm really good at complaining. Maybe that's because the last several years have had some rather devastating downs. Or, maybe it's because that's all I've been able to see. Life is kind of funny that way. 

Sometime last year, I remembered what a favorite priest friend shared one time in a homily. "Before I lift my head off the pillow in the morning, I thank God for three things." It wasn't an earth-shattering concept, but something about it stuck with me and I began to try it. That was when things were going well and it was kind of easy. Then, somehow in the midst of some painful stuff, I forgot about it. It wasn't a decision so much as a change of focus. 

Something in me changed in the midst of those trials. Maybe it was a midlife crisis, maybe it was that life got hard, or maybe I simply lost focus. One thing was for sure, I was lost. I wasn't happy with much of anything, not the church I love, the life I live, or the way I was living. I became so restless and joyless, I didn't recognize myself. I knew something was off, but I couldn't figure out what it was or how to fix it.

I knew I needed some changes, so...I made a lot of them. I got myself a spiritual director,  sought out a woman older and wiser than me for guidance, went through some intense prayer ministry, and returned to thanking the Lord for three things before I even open my eyes in the morning.

There have been a lot of tears along the journey, but I can honestly say that I'm in the best spiritual place I've been in a very long time (arguably the best of my life). Not many of the "outside" details of my life have changed, if any. The change has been in me, the only person I'm capable of changing. I believe a lot of that has to do with a refocus on gratitude.

Not only do I thank the Lord for three things before rising, I thank Him for three different things before I fall asleep. I've learned to thank Him for the challenges He sends my way. I even thank Him for the things I don't like. Something changes when you force yourself to do that, and that something is you.

As I was praying (actually more like begging, prostrate on my floor) this morning for a better year in 2022, I heard the Lord challenge me. I haven't blogged in over four years, but I heard Him tell me it was time to head back to this little space. Only, this time, He had a theme for me - 365 days of gratitude (think Julie & Julia only instead of learning to cook, I'll be learning to be more grateful). 

Today I'm very grateful I was able to recover this blog (and hopefully I'll be able to do it again tomorrow).

I hope you'll join me on this journey. I hope you will choose to thank the Lord for the blessings He pours into your life. I hope you'll pass that on to others. Let's experiment with what gratitude can do!