Best Bathroom Trip Ever
I'm up late, sitting at the kitchen bar, working on a project. The house is soundless except for the hum of the dishwasher. I should be in bed...I know, but the quiet calls to me.
And then, just like that, the peace is broken by the sound of Felicity's door opening. It's directly in my view, so I pause, waiting for a small body to come ambling out.
I walk over to see Felicity, hair completely tangled and in her face, clutching Ellie (her stuffed elephant that she can't sleep without). "I need to go potty," she states as if it's the most normal thing in the world.
We walk together in the dark to her bathroom and I put her on the potty. I squat down so she can lean on me. She falls into me, laying her head on my shoulder and wrapping her tiny arms around mine. She didn't pee.
We stayed like that for some time - me rubbing her back, her pulsing little fingers into my arms. And that's when it happened, right there, squatting in the bathroom next to the toilet. I became overwhelmed with gratitude for this child.
I remember crying over her in the bathroom the day I found out I was pregnant. It's not a moment or reaction I'm proud of, but it's real. I was, I thought, too old to have another child. We had a five years until retirement plan in the works. This baby was going to scratch all those plans. It was overwhelming and life altering and tears was the best I could do.
But tonight, as I held this child sitting on the toilet in the dark, different tears welled in my eyes - tears of gratitude, of joy, of admitting that God's plan is still bigger and better than mine. We weren't trying to have a baby, but God pushed the door open and I'm so glad He did.
Those tiny fingers gripping my arms, that limp body leaning on mine, that head of crazy bed hair, that moment she whispered, "I love you Mama," before she drifted off to sleep again - if that was all I got, that would be enough. But there is so much more! The fact that Mackenzie took her outside to play tonight, Max explained her joke to me, Dawson chased her after church to make sure she didn't dart into the parking lot, Aiden adores everything she does, are just a few of the many reasons God thought she might be a good idea for us.
Has it been easy? No. Has it been perfect? Hardly. Has it been good in the kind of sense that God is good ALL the time? Yes, yes, and YES! And if He can point this out to me in the wee hours of the morning, squatting on the bathroom floor, how many more good moments does He have in store?