Waiting for Inspiration

I've been asked to be the speaker at a local gathering for Catholic women called Magnificat. When the lady in charge called and asked me months ago I was so blown away/shocked/honored/stunned that like a mesmerized teenager meeting her idol in person for the first time, I smiled, nodded and said, "Of course, I'd love to."

Never mind that it was scheduled for the end of May (Remember May? Busiest month next to December. Sometimes it actually tops December because its events are not squished into one big day but spread out across a month of big, busy days. But I digress.). Never mind that it would come on the heels of helping with the Glory Run, hosting a shower, and getting no sleep. Never mind that the talk had to fill an hour with nothing but my "testimony". I said yes because it felt like the right thing to do and it was three months away and I had plenty of time to prepare.

Fast forward to yesterday when I called that same lady to ask how many women I get to invite to sit at my table. She told me the number and then informed me she needed their names, like yesterday. Oops.

In that same conversation she also said something along the lines of, "We need a copy of your talk by Thursday." Next Thursday, two days before the talk? No problem. "No this Thursday." Oh, you mean like an outline of my points? "No the whole talk typed out for review." Yep the hour long talk - typed out- for review. Oops.

Now don't worry. I've got it under control (at least that's what I told her). I have been thinking about this talk since she asked me. I wrote that talk for Belmont Abbey that I never got to use (long story...maybe next year) so I figured I'd start from there. Except that talk wasn't an hour and it wasn't my testimony, and it wasn't for the same audience.

I've actually sat down to write the talk several times over the past few weeks. Last Sunday in church I even got an opening from God. I typed that up. Yep. That's it. Sigh. So far, the Holy Spirit has left me hanging. That's okay. It's kind of how he rolls with me. I prepare, get a great outline, practice a talk and then he usually takes over the day of the talk and reconstructs the entire thing. Marvelous really seeing as how he's the Holy Spirit and all. He does much better than me. I count on that.

It just seems that he doesn't really work on the deadline of an organizer who needs every word typed out, like yesterday. Sigh. Still I sit...and pray. I've done a lot of praying about the talk. And thinking, I've done a lot of that too. Not a good time for writer's block. And anyway is that even possible? To have writer's block when you're supposed to be speaking? Maybe it's really speaker's block. Nah, that has no ring to it. More like writer's block of a supposed speaker who has to write out a talk before the inspiration truly hits. Well, that doesn't really have a ring to it either. Kind of like this talk.

SIGH...

Truthfully, it's not about having nothing to say as much as it about having too much to say. How can I possibly shrink all the amazing things God had done for me into one tiny hour? How can I condense a whole lot of life experiences into actual words? How can I move people closer to God as I share about what He's done in my life? Yep. That's the real problem.

And here's the thing. I can't. I can't do any of that. I don't have the words. I don't have the skill set. I am not able to make that happen. But....God can, of this I am sure. God can do all that by simply using me as His vehicle. I am confident in this because every good thing in my life comes from Him. He is the reason I have anything to say at all.

Whew! That makes me feel a little better. And I say only a little better because I have this whole time line thing that God doesn't seem to be too concerned with right now. Like all things, He knows His time and His will is best. This I will concede.

You here that God? I trust you. I have faith in you. Now could you please do your thing?

*If you're free next Saturday, May 19th, please come. The event will be in the parish hall of St. Mary's Catholic Church. Catholic or not, I'd love to see/meet you there. Now that you've been privy to the process, wouldn't you love to come and hear what God is going to say? After all this it's bound to be good. Call the church office for more information.