Running Low

I've been not liking the running so much lately. Since the ITB has kicked in with the pain, it's been so depressing. There's nothing like spending 5 1/2 months training for something that in the month before the big event, you can't do without excruciating pain.

The last few long runs have given me lots of extra time to think about this. I know that God has given me lots of gifts. As I entered into adulthood, I've stuck largely to these things with great success. However, it's taken me three seasons of training to own up to the fact that although I am gifted at a lot of things, running is definitely not one of them.

In the beginning this was okay because I was a novice and no matter how bad I was, it was better than I was doing before since that was nothing. As the years have gone on and the injuries continue to plague me, this realization has felt kind of like a slap in the face.

You see, no matter how bad at something I am, I have never been a quitter. And, if I simply say I'm not built to run and I stop, that's what I feel I'll be.

I'm not good at bowling either. In fact, I really stink at it. This, however, doesn't bother me...at all. In fact, when we go bowling I kind of revel in my ineptness. I've never seen myself as a good bowler. I don't have visions of winning bowling trophies and so to me it's simply a fun, and often funny, activity.

I do, interestingly enough, have visions of being a good runner. I can picture myself running fast and free. I dream about placing in races...or at least beating my own times.

Herein lies the problem. Now don't worry, I'm not abandoning the half. It's less than two weeks away and come what may, I'm crossing that finish line. I've worked too hard for too long not to. I may have to do it limping. I may have to be much slower than my previous times (is that even possible?). I may be really disappointed. It also means I am not a quitter.

After the race? Well that's still up for debate. Right now winter swimming sounds awfully good.