A Spirit Filled Reading

I have been in many plays, commercials and even local TV shows. I don't really get nervous or emotional. However, when it's just me up there in front of all those people I have a tendency to let my emotions get the best of me. Yes, I'll admit it, I'm a crier.

The first reading at the ordination was Jeremiah 1:4-9. The day Aaron called and asked me if I would be willing to do it, I was simply blown away at the honor. I hung up the phone and immediately got out my Bible to look the verses over. And, no, I'm not letting any of you off that easy. You're going to have to dust off those Bibles and read it for yourselves. I will say, however, that the scripture was absolutely perfect. It was as if Jeremiah wrote those words for each of those young men.

I practiced it so much over the last two months that I had the entire thing memorized. I never intended to do it from memory, I just wanted to know it well enough that if I did get nervous, I would be able to get through it.

When I was at the rehearsal Friday night, I asked mom to listen to it one time before I did it from the ambo. I got two-thirds of the way through and choked up. I looked at my mom with tears in my eyes and said, "I'm not going to be able to do this."

I'm very self-conscious about crying in public, although you'd never know it because it happens often. It's a gradual thing. Usually I can hear my voice start to shake before anyone else. The harder I try to overcome it, the worse it gets. That's usually when the tears well up in my eyes. Once that happens, it's usually Katie bar the door for the flood gates to open.

The morning of the ordination I awoke before the alarm clock went off. My stomach was in knots. It felt very similar to the day I got married. The whole thing just caught up to me. My little brother was going to become a priest today. God was going to work a miracle in front of my very eyes. Not only was I going to be sitting in the front row, but I was going to be an active participant. "Oh Lord," I prayed, "please don't let me humiliate Aaron. Please, please help me keep it together."

I tried practicing in front of the kids in the car while Nelson got us checked out. I burst into tears. I tried it again. I cried. Nelson came out to the car. I cried. We drove to the cathedral. I cried. I hugged at least ten priests on my way inside. I cried. I took my place in the front row. I cried. My parents prayed for me. I cried. The processional was "O God, Beyond All Praising". I cried. Aaron came in and sat next to my parents. I cried. They called him by name and he stood and said, "Present." I cried. Then it was time for my reading.

The acolyte came down and escorted me and the second reader up to the altar. Suddenly I was no longer crying. I took my place and looked out over the standing room only crowd at the cathedral and began, "A reading from the Book of the Prophet Jeremiah".

You know that peace that surpasses all understanding that everyone talks about all the time? It was with me. I don't know how else to describe it other than to say I felt as if the Holy Spirit was speaking through me. My voice was confident and calm. I shed not one tear. I ended with "The Word of the Lord" and took my seat behind the ambo to wait for the second reader to finish.

At that moment, before I even settled into my seat, a priest friend who could see me from where I was sitting told me he saw me do a physical "Phew" with my body. And then...I cried. Let me tell you sitting up on that altar singing the Responsorial Psalm with all of those priests was something else. “Shepherd me O God, beyond my wants, beyond my fears from death into life.” How appropriate was that!

If you’ve never been to an ordination, you need to go. It is a beautiful service that will move you in a way no other mass will. If you’ve never read those verses in Jeremiah, go get your Bible and read them. They are awesome. If you’ve never had a brother who is a priest, I can now highly recommend that too. If that’s not a possibility, raise one yourself. Let me tell you, after this weekend I wanted to send at least one of my boys straight into seminary.

It just doesn’t get any better than this.