Mama Loves You

Ah, I'm feeling exhausted, excited and somewhat accomplished.

I'm exhausted because life is busy. I mean look at the time. I have been on the go since the wee hours and still have a couple of hours of work ahead of me.

I'm excited because all of this work is in prepartion for 4 nights in a house on the beach in Charleston. Just me, my husband, and another couple. I will have four mornings to sleep as long as I want. Four days with absolutely no plans. Four dinners eaten while they are still hot. Can't wait.

I'm accomplished (somewhat) because the house is the cleanest it's been since Dawson was born. It's amazing how motivated you become when you have other people coming to stay in your house for a few days. It's a small price to pay to have the kids be able to sleep in their own beds.

Tonight, as I put each child to bed, I had that same weird mother thought I have every time I'm about to leave my kids for more than a day. What if something happens to me? Will my kids remember me at all? I know it's strange. I don't spend time worrying about this, it's just something that crosses my mind at times like this. It was enough to choke me up as I sang "Jesus Loves Me" to each one before kissing them goodnight.

I'm quite certain the boys would have no memory of me at all. As I held those two precious giggling boys in my lap, I knew without a doubt that no one would ever love them as much as I do. I love them for who they are. I love them because they are my gifts from God.

Mackenzie at this point would retain some vague memories of me...I hope. What would she remember? Would it be all the times I expect too much, get frustrated, or tell her to wait just one more minute? Or, would it be the way I scatch her back as I sing to her at night, draw pictures on her napkins in her lunches or dance and sing with her in the kitchen? I hope if nothing else, she will always know that no matter what she accomplishes or who she becomes, I will love her with all my heart.

I tell my kids that I love them often. The nice thing is that it produces a pretty good return. Mackenzie is very affectionate and tells me she loves me often. The boys don't exactly leap at the chance to do that, but they love giving and getting kisses and hugs...most of the time. As much as I've told them in their brief little lives, I always wonder if I've really done it enough.

Mackenzie, Aiden and Dawson, Mama loves you very, very much. I have from the moment I knew you were coming and I will until the day that I die.