In the Blink of an Eye

Tonight as I was rocking Max a thought occurred to me. He has only a few more short weeks before he turns two...the age when the baby becomes a toddler.

This simple thought gave me more than a moment's pause and so I held him and rocked him longer than usual. His body was as still as it gets during the day. His arms were wrapped across me. His little hands were spread over my arms - arms I am certain that someday soon he will envelope with those same hands. My lips were pressed against the top of his sweet head so closely that I could feel his rapid heart beat and smell the sweet smell of his freshly washed hair. These last moments of his day are the closest we ever come to his very beginnings within me. And, for a moment it felt as if the two of us were one.

It was such a peaceful moment that I didn't want to let it go. The steady rhythm of his breathing combined with the motion of the rocker very nearly put me to sleep. Yet, I knew that I had to put him in bed. If I held on too long and we both fell asleep, sooner or later neither of us would be happy or peaceful.

I was painfully aware, as I placed him in his crib, that this is the life I have chosen as a mother. Every moment of every day includes decisions concerning when to let go and how long to hold on. I'm not sure if it's the wisdom that comes with age or the experience I've gained as a mother that has helped me to appreciate this position more and more with each child. Although it's necessary, it's never very easy to let go of one stage and move on to new and uncharted territory.

The best part of tonight was the realization that all this is happening. With the first three arriving within four years of each other, I couldn't breathe most days, let alone think. With Maximilian, however, I have been ever so appreciative of each little moment and stage.

I know now what I never believed in those first six years of parenting - it really does go by in the blink of an eye...and I don't want to miss one precious minute of any of it.